How life used to be (2017 picture):
I had a successful 12 year career in financial services, and went on to start my own consulting company.
I achieved success in a very short space of time.
I had a nice car, big salary, my own house in London, a comfortable relationship.
At the same time,
I experienced intense levels of stress and pressure to perform in business.
Early mornings, late nights, 60+ hour work weeks for years.
Porn, Sex & Apps became my way to de-stress and escape.
I was totally unaware of how this was causing destruction in my life.
I thought it was normal, everybody does this right?
In reality, I was ruining my relationship, struggling to stay hard and loosing my sense of self.
In 2018 I woke up.
My Dad passed away from cancer.
I decided to quit my corporate job and take time out and travel the world.
Peru to China, Tibet to India, Ethiopia to Malawi and many places in between.
It was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.
Fast forward 3 years. I decided to hire my first coach for one year.
I wanted to tell them I was struggling with my sexual behaviour & sex performance,
I wanted to say that I didn’t know why this was happening to me.
Though for so long I felt ashamed and embarrassed.
It wasn’t until the 6th of December, 2021… Month 10 of coaching,
That I finally built up the courage to say the words…
“I feel frustrated and I don’t know why.”
From that moment, everything changed.
For the first time, I realised I was creating a life I didn’t want.
It was time to change…
The full story:
I used to keep secrets from my partner, so I could spend time alone.
I hid my phone screen as soon as they walked in the room.
I watched porn more often than I head sex.
Intimacy with my partner was dead.
You may notice some of the same.
I tried many things, over many years to change this.
In a weekend I’d delete & re-download multiple times.
I’d tell myself I’ll just watch it one last time, this will be the last… It never was.
Before sexual moments, I used to think… What if I can’t keep it up.
Have you had that too?
I could feel myself getting irritable & giving short answers to my partner.
Being there but not really feeling present.
I wanted to change it, I wanted to have more self control.
It didn’t feel good anymore, it felt like I was becoming empty.
You know that moment, when a memory is sketched into your mind?
One night I came home in the early hours of the morning.
I lied to my partner that I’d been working late.
I could see in their eyes, they were sad. And they still loved me.
That moment was a real low point.
I thought to myself, Shay… what are you doing.
But I didn’t stop.
Honestly, I didn’t know if there was a way out at times.
Maybe you have experienced this…
The feeling of “I’ve tried everything and it’s not working.”
I kept going back as soon as I had urges. I felt like I couldn’t win.
Over 2 years, I tried many different techniques & tools to quit, most didn’t work and I went straight back to porn / sexting / hook ups.
The turning point (2022 picture):
Remember the coaching session on the 6th of December…
This was the turning point.
I opened up and asked for guidance.
I kept going and eventually I found a set of tools that did work.
What are the results?
In the last year:
– I’m having the most passionate, intimate sex of my life
– I no longer struggle stay hard
– I’m in the gym 5 days a week – My body is in the best shape it’s ever been
– I feel like I’m in my early 20’s
– I have self control of my impulses and urges
– I’m coming up to 1 year porn free
– I’ve stopped drinking alcohol
The difference it has made to my life, I couldn’t have imagined. My physical health is at a level like never before, my ability to be social and build trusting, loving relationships.
You may be thinking… “I’m far away from reaching this point.”
To that I say… I’m just a few months ahead of you. With the right tools, I’ve seen how we change faster than we ever expect.
I’m fortunate to have had conversations with hundreds of guys who face the same challenges. Many like me, (and perhaps you can relate to this), had tried to fix erection struggles & avoid a dead bedroom using will power, porn, keeping busy, searching for advice, therapy, pills, medication. And didn’t see the long term results they deserved. The struggle remained and their relationship was falling apart.
Others had been told by their partner, if they don’t change the relationship is over.
I started to work with other men, to show them the tools I’d learnt, and they saw massive results… They were able to fix this and gain self control.
One of my favorite stories is about a client I worked with named Paul.
Paul messaged me via a support group. He was watching porn for over an hour each day. Intimacy with his partner was dead. His relationship was falling apart. His self confidence was through the floor, he’d turned to junk food to numb his pain.
Paul joined my ‘Sexual Freedom in 90 days’ package. Over 90 days I showed Paul the tools to fix his erection struggles, turn around dead bedroom & repair broken trust in his relationship. Using the same tools I used in my own life.
- By wk 2 – Paul noticed major improvement to his sex life
- By wk 4 – Paul had repaired the trust he’d broken with his partner
- By wk 8 – Paul was having the best sex they’d had in years
Paul also achieved a life goal. To play the guitar in front of his family & friends, singing the story of his personal journey. He broke free.
It was incredible to see his transformation.
What to do now?
I know how painful & alone this can feel.
I know how it feels to think ‘Am I a bad partner?’
And to be scared ‘Will this impact me for the rest of my life?’
It doesn’t need to. You’re in the right place.
If you’re feeling stuck & not sure how to fix this, then reach out to me.
I’ve been there and I’d love to help you.
Shay